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Special Thanksgiving newsletter!

If you're facing Thanksgiving alone for the first time, you may be expecting to feel lonely and in pain for the next few days. Even so, this family-centered holiday can be an opportunity for spiritual renewal, personal growth, and creative expression -- even in the midst of divorce. Here are some unique and creative ways to manage and experience this challenging time of year.

By Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D.

Thanksgiving feels like a particularly cruel label to put on a holiday celebration when you're separated or divorced. Yet being thankful is a very powerful way to help yourself let go and to appreciate what you have in your life. It's almost impossible to be "hurt-full" and "thank-full" at the same time.

It's time to thank yourself! Write in your journal about some of the following (you pick the ones that fit best). Reading what you've written when times are tough will help you develop a sense of pride and gratitude for yourself.

• Thank yourself for being a survivor: you could have given up and you didn't.
• Thank yourself for beginning to see the positive lessons in what appeared to be a negative situation.
• Thank yourself for facing your fears.
• Thank yourself for having the courage to change.
• Thank yourself for getting as far as you have on your own.
• Thank yourself for risking new things.
• Thank yourself for being courteous and cooperative when dealing with your ex -- no matter what.
• Listen to your inner voice and to how you may be giving yourself negative messages on a daily basis. Notice how you miss opportunities to be thankful during the day: for instance, today, you might have been thankful for your health, for your children, for your good friends, etc. Perhaps you're finding it difficult to be thankful for anything right now.

With practice, however, you can always find something to be grateful about; the ability to find good in almost any situation is what enables people to survive and even thrive through challenging times. So before going to bed tonight, think of three things you did or received today for which you are thankful, and allow yourself to really feel gratitude for these gifts. Don't diminish your accomplishment: whether you pulled a child from a burning building or cooked dinner for yourself for the first time, you should feel really proud and grateful.

Write the following affirmation and put it where you will see it every day: "I am now ready and willing to look at my present life as a gift with thanks and gratitude for what I am learning about myself."

Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, spiritual counselor , and personal coach practicing in Hawthorne, NY . She is the author of I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing after the Death of a Loved One. She has personally experienced divorce twice, and is now happily married.

This article first appeared on www.DivorceMagazine.com