| This article was first published in the California Divorce Magazine
and are reprinted here with their full permission. |
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Energize!
Exercise can help to relieve
stress and depression -- and boost your energy -- during and after divorce.
By Silvia Pandolfi
Going through a divorce can be one of the
most stressful periods in a person's life. Whether you have been married for two or 25
years, separation and divorce can take a toll on your emotional and physical health.
Some people turn to "comfort"
food, alcohol, or drugs to try to make themselves feel better; others seek new romance
before they're really ready for it to avoid the blues. There is something you can do to
help alleviate divorce-related stress, insomnia, weight-gain or loss, and fatigue. It's
inexpensive, safe (if practiced correctly), and it's actually good for you. What is this
miracle? Exercise!
You probably have a million reasons not to
exercise: "I have no time," "It's boring," "I hate to
sweat," and "I'm too fat" are some popular excuses. But the truth is, you
can make time for anything that's truly important to you -- and your health should be
important to you. And if you choose an exercise you enjoy (dancing rather than jogging;
aqua-aerobics rather than swimming lengths), the rest of your excuses will melt away.
Benefits of exercising
When you get right down to it, keeping your
mind, body, and soul healthy during and after a divorce is your responsibility -- and it
can become your pleasure. A person who exercises regularly moves with confidence; they're
energetic and full of life. Exercise is a great stress-buster, and it can help to
alleviate the blues -- great news for a divorcing person.
You'll not only feel better, you'll look
better, too. This can put you into a positive spiral: you look better, so you start
feeling better, and the better you feel, the better you look. According to Ellen Karpay,
author of the Everything Total Fitness Book, you will improve your appearance through
regular exercise. She points out that you'll also improve your body's ability to do more
with less effort, and that feels great!
"Divorce is a huge blow to your
self-esteem, and exercise can help you rebuild it," says Susan Sly, personal trainer
and professor of fitness at The Sports Clubs of Canada. "And if you have children,
you'll be providing them with a positive role model. It's also good -- and cheap --
therapy."
Here are some other benefits:
- Improved respiration, cardiac output, and vascular system;
- Increased muscular strength, endurance, and bone density;
- Improved flexibility;
- Improved digestion and bowel function;
- Improved sensory skills;
- Decreased stress, insomnia, and depression;
- Increased social interaction;
- You will feel and look better.
Getting Started
Many people don't exercise because they
don't know where to go or what types of exercise are best suited for them. First, you need
to choose a form of exercise you like; if you don't like it, you won't do it. Then you
need to check with your physician to make sure there are no health risks associated with
this form of exercise for you. Once your doctor gives you the thumbs-up, you need to make
a plan: schedule your fitness lesson/workout at the most convenient time for you; again,
if the timing is difficult, it will be a reason to skip the class.
Start off at a moderate rate. If you
haven't exercised in years, don't set your sights on running a marathon next month. Many
people tend to exercise too strenuously at the beginning, injure themselves or get
discouraged, and drop out. "This is where many people set themselves up to
fail," says Karpay. "They expect their body to perform activity at levels that
are neither realistic nor recommended. Afterward, they wrongly insist that it's the
exercise itself that makes them feel worse."
If you start slowly, your body will respond
more effectively to the exercise. Then you can gradually increase the time and difficulty
of your workout. Taking lessons, or working with a trainer, can help you to set guidelines
for your workouts. The professional can also make sure you create good habits by doing the
exercise correctly from the beginning. Krista Bajinski, director of fitness at the Fitness
Institute in Toronto, also recommends setting short-term goals that you can achieve, which
will give you a sense of accomplishment.
You should also document your exercise.
Sally Edward, author of Smart Heart, says: "You can only manage what you can
measure and monitor." Karpay agrees with Edward's statement, adding: "If you
want to take an active role in your fitness, keep track of what you do, how much you do,
and other pieces of information that relate to your health."
Which Exercise Program?
The options are almost endless: from
walking or roller-blading in a park to working out at the gym to swimming/aquafit at the
pool. Here are three examples of exercise programs you may not have considered: Yoga, Tai
Chi, and dance.
Yoga
One form of exercise that's gaining in
popularity is yoga. Good for the mind, body, and soul, this stress-reliever is ideal for
toning the body and calming the mind. "Yoga promotes mental clarity, so it can help
you think more clearly through the divorce or separation process," says Helen
Goldstein, director of the Yoga Studio in Toronto, ON. There are several styles of yoga to
choose from, ranging from high energy to low energy. Yoga can help boost your
self-confidence and has numerous health benefits. "Yoga can really help you sleep at
night, and is also fantastic for giving you a good body. Most important of all, yoga helps
you become a better person," claims Goldstein. After you've learned and practiced
yoga, you may find you want to make it part of a daily routine. Although most classes are
an hour in length, you can derive significant benefit from a 15-30 minute routine; have
your teacher recommend a video so you can practice at home.
Tai Chi
Derived from the martial arts, Tai Chi is a
system of graceful movement based on the Yin/Yang philosophy. Provided you have a good
teacher, Tai Chi works on many different levels. This low-intensity, low-impact form of
exercise offers increased strength and muscle tone, enhanced range of motion and
flexibility, and improved balance and coordination; it has also been shown to reduce blood
pressure and heart rate. Practicing Tai Chi can help to improve your concentration and
posture, increase energy, and decrease feelings of stress.
"When it comes to Tai Chi, there is no
possible disadvantage," says Tai Chi instructor Andy James. "Going through a
divorce is traumatic, and that can affect you spiritually, mentally, and physically. Tai
Chi helps keep everything moving. Most people start off by practicing for 15 minutes a
day; those who have been practicing for a while, practice anywhere from 20 to 50 minutes a
day. Half an hour is a good length for a session," he concludes.
Taoist Tai Chi, originally from Hong Kong,
focuses on your health. This "moving meditation" can help you to change your
body posture to improve your overall health. "We don't spend enough time taking care
of our health," states family doctor and Taoist Tai Chi instructor Bruce McFarlane of
Owen Sound, ON. "The focus of Taoist Tai Chi is discovering what we can do for our
selves." He says that anyone can benefit from practicing Tai Chi, strengthening the
physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of their lives.
Dancing Up A Storm
Letting loose, having fun, increasing your
self-confidence and grace, meeting new people, and getting in a little painless exercise
-- that's dancing. Barring physical disabilities, it's good for just about everyone.
"A good instructor at a reputable studio can teach you to dance socially with
confidence," says Joel Wood, an instructor and owner of Our Studio in Thornhill, ON.
"Dancing is good exercise, and it's an excellent way to make new friends or even find
a new romance." Dance lessons can help shift your attention from divorce-related
sadness or anger to having fun and interacting with other people. "And once you know
the basic steps, you'll be much in demand as a partner," says Wood. "What could
be better for your ego?"
Healthy Food Choices
Now that you've made the commitment to
exercise regularly, you need to give that hard-working body some good fuel. Especially if
you've been binging on high-fat comfort foods, you need to consider making healthier food
choices. Because everyone has a different body, it is important to discover what types of
food are best for your unique body.
In North America, we tend to eat too much
meat and not enough fruits and vegetables. Try adding vegetables to every dish, opting for
fish and poultry instead of red meat sometimes, or consider eating one purely vegetarian
meal a day. Of course, you need to talk to your doctor before making any dietary changes.
Visit your local bookstore or library and
get some books that focus on healthy and delicious meals. You'd be surprised how good
healthy can taste these days!
A note for you people out their with
children: you don't have to let them in on the fact that what they're eating is good for
them. For instance, you can buy vegetarian "pepperoni" or "hamburger"
that's virtually indistinguishable from the real thing these days -- just hide the
packaging before they come in!
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